I was switching back and forth between last weeks and this weeks and I can't tell if there is any true difference aside from the fact that I am wearing different pants. Clearly, I need to make sure I'm wearing the same thing. But there looks to still be a little loss in the bra-ish area. Which would be nice. But again, I can't be sure. And I could be wrong. Oh well, At least it doesn't look like I've gained, so that's a positive, right?!
So here's how things have been going lately:
This past couple weeks have been difficult for me. And the scale has reflected that. And so has my general feeling of wellness. I explained it really well in the weekly 80/20/100 call my coaches team does every Sunday evening, but I'll go through it again here for you guys.
I'm a veterans wife. My husband served in Afghanistan early in our marriage and when our oldest was just over a year. It was a rough 8 months, I'm not going to lie. I'd like to say I handled it well, but I'm the kind of person that hates showing weakness and if I show it then I'm not strong. So I tend to internalize everything. And that never ends well, at least not for me. Instead of taking advantage of the many programs set in place for those whose spouses or loved ones are overseas, I soldiered on alone and it ended up causing me lots of anxiety and grief, most of which I'll bet i could have avoided if I'd simply asked for help. But I saw that as weakness, so I have a lot of issues that are leftover from that time. We also have friends who served, some who came back, some who didn't and some who came back, but not the same. In Canada we have a holiday at the beginning of November called Remembrance Day. This is the day that we honour not only our current service members and our veterans, but our fallen soldiers as well. I know that our neighbours to the south have separate days for each, Veterans Day (which is the same day as Remembrance Day) and Memorial Day. Every year around this time I get pretty emotional and as a person who doesn't know how to share their feelings very well or ask for assistance until its way too late, I get overwhelmed by them and I routinely do two things: 1.) Recluse and, 2.) Eat my feelings. All my food issues really come to a head right at this point in time. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, any other holiday this time of year is not so much of a problem for me. But November 11th gets me every year.
Essentially, I fell off my nutrition plan. I hid my setback from my friends, my coach, my clients, and yes, even you. And honestly, I was even lying to myself, I tried to play it up like I was some great coach who even though they were struggling, they still had it together. Yeah, I didn't. I may have won the battle over the rice cakes and cheese snack, but I was losing the war for my nutrition plan. And I knew I was failing, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.
Well, I did. I admitted it to myself, I admitted it to all my clients, my coaches and now I'm admitting it to you. I 100% fell off. I not only ate crap in secret, but I totally overate. I cared not if I was hungry or not, I just ate. And the scale showed it. But after admitting that all to myself and everyone, I got to still come out on top because I get to reset. That means I get to take responsibility for the fall and the crap i ate and how often I ate it, say, "yup, that happened" and move on. I could beat myself up over it, but really, what good would that do? Will it change the fact that it happened? Will it magically change what the scale said if I do enough penance? Nope! A good friend and fellow coach posted this and I think that it illustrates that point nicely:
Ah, the profound lessons Disney teaches. Now, if you've seen The Lion King, you know that nutrition is not what they are referring to, but it still illustrates my point. Actually, it speaks to a lot of things I've been going through on numerous levels.... But lets stick to this one point. The past doesn't matter. It is what it is. There's nothing that you can do about it. Yes, it may still affect the present, but you can either stick your head in the sand and be doomed to repeat the mistake, or you can learn from it and move on. I'd much rather learn and be smarter and stronger going forward. I've never had to deal with this situation in this context before. I've never been on this journey before like this. So now I know that of the entire year, this is my big battle. This is when I have to be keenly aware of myself, and not allow myself to get so caught up in my emotions that I let them derail me from my goals. This could be my Achilles heel. Or it could be a speed bump in the road. I get to decide.
I already chose. I chose to reset. And the great thing is, I get to do that! I choose to go back to the basics, start again like I did. We do a 5 day Eat Clean Challenge with new clients. I joined one, not just as a coach, but as a challenger. I'm doing the challenge myself and re-setting myself up for success. Being honest about what I'm eating. Tracking my calories so I know what's going into my body and keeping mindful of my goals. Being accountable to other people. Being transparent and honest with myself. Because at the end of the day, the only person who loses when I make poor choices is me. And eating all that junk did not make me happy. I always knew in the back of my head that I was cheating myself out of the results that I wanted. And my body definitely didn't need it, so I ended up feeling gross and over stuffed and just miserable. Because the food didn't take away that I was feeling crappy. Instead, it just added to it. So it wasn't worth it.
So yay for resets! We'll see what the scale says tomorrow. I almost don't want to step on to see what the damage is. But burying my head in the sand isn't going to change anything, so I need to just go and not take it as a negative and just take it from a starting point. Go on, move forward and get that goal of 175. Because I can do it. I'm going to accept that the choices I made have consequences, deal with them and continue to chase that goal and crush it!
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